Repairing from Regret
I noticed that not a lot of couples take the time to apologize. I can totally understand why. It is a very vulnerable act to admit one was wrong and allowing the other person to accept and forgive. There must absolutely be a change in the person apologizing. However, I think most spouses are afraid the other person will use the apology as a "one up" in the next argument. It does not work like that. It is the duty of the two parties to let the offense go after an apology is made. This also applies in a parent/child relationship after a child rectifies a wrong, whether it be forced or not, it is not used as the parent's "right" to remind them when they make another mistake later on. I encourage couples to come up with a list of "guidelines" to follow so when they are in an argument, they can fight "fairly". For example, not letting fights go into the next day, not reacting passive- aggressively, confronting the issue when both parties are calm, and not using the other person's past mistakes as reminders of how they failed. Respect goes a long way, and if it is received often, it is given often. So however one looks at it, both giving and receiving are involved, so get into the habit of doing it and watch the results!